I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Come see our sink grown plant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
