I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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