bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
