I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
