I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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