I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
