You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
