I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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