i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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