I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
