New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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