I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
