do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
