What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
