You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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