Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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