He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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