I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
