Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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