i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
