I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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