For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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