she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
