You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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