dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
