no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
