I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
