5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
