Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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