She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
