worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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