Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
