I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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