Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
