Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
