I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've blown a few things in my day
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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