i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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