I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
