Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
