I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
