Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
