Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
