Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
