I'm gonna have a badass scar
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
