but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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