Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
