But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
