Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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