I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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