I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
