haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
