I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize