the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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