His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
