i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
