I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
