pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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