Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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