Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
