Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
