Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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