the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
