He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
