I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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