dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
