Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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