Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
