Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
