I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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