when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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