No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I smell like Dick and happiness
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
