The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
