DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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