i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
