.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
