doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
