You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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