you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
