I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize