I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
