remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
