i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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