Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
