Your tits are I can't wait for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
